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Envious me

I had you as my secondary family

You guys made me happy as i could ever be

We had so much fun together

But now we’re all apart from one another

A lot of things have changed over the year

From me to you I couldn’t even get near

For many have come into our lives

And your aura has changed into many other vibes

You guys might not seem to understand me

And that’s because you don’t know I’m envy

I’m sorry that I’m too possessive over my friends

I dread the moment that I would feel this would be the end

I thought you guys replaced me with another

You don’t even know that I’m bothered

Now I’m with my new set of friends

You say you miss me, but I’m happy with them, that I could not pretend

But don’t be mistaken, I miss you guys more

More than you think and see in my actions

For I only keep this to my self, in my heart, at its core

I know my mistakes and the needed corrections

But don’t you see how hard I try

Just to reach out and say hi

You make me feel invisible

With this, my mission reconnecting seems impossible

I will not give up on you

This I say with all my heart is true

Please don’t leave me alone

Hear me shouting to you the words I’ve longed to say in the most weakest tone

Ze Shallenj

THE CHALLENGE

So, i saw this movie “Julie and Julia” and I was inspired by how the main character Julie challenged herself into cooking all of Julia’s recipes in 365 days. There were about 500 recipes I think?

Well mine is basically the same, only i won’t be cooking. Instead, I’ll be watching 500 movies within the same deadline, in 365 days.

I never got to finish watching the movie though so this movie doesn’t count as my first. I’ll be starting to watch films later in the evening and hopefully I won’t be too lazy and I pray that I won’t forget that I ever challenged and engaged myself into this because that would totally be embarrassing :>

Wish me luck =)

In debt to THEM <3

The past 5 months have been so difficult to handle for me. I used to have friends who I know i could always count on. I’ve been all alone most of the time that I’ve been on Cebu.

BUT.

I couldn’t have make it through the first sem if it weren’t for my boardmates :) we may not see each other from time to time but they were there. They helped me overcome all of the challenges that I’ve faced and.

The best thing that they’ve done for me was the birthday surprise they prepared for me. Knowing that we’ve only known each other for about a month, still they prepared all of those for me :) at that moment it made me stronger. They gave me the strength just enough to make it all the way through the frst sem =)

So, THANK YOU SO MUCH MY DEAR SUNSET DRIVER BOARDMATES! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! <3

baby girl is growing up :)

I really don’t remember when this was taken. But many years ago, I was this bubbly baby girl. Innocent, playful, crying, worry-free, had everything important with me and satisfied. Everything i supposed was perfect. But then time had to go so fast and baby girl had to grow up.

Baby girl is about 6 years old now. She’s been exposed to the unknown world. As you can see, her talents are slowly developing. She’s the little girl now.

Little girl goes to a bigger school with much more people. This time, she’s somehow by herself going out into the world making new friends. She’s a big girl now.

This is big girl in another new school. She’s in high school and has been through a lot. She’s not the innocent and worry-free baby girl anymore because she knows the world a little better now.

She may not be the innocent baby girl anymore, but she’s still the CUTE, playful, crying and happy teenager that loves and cares the people around her so much.

Time flies by so fast! Teenage high school girl is now off to college! She goes to UP cebu, currently living by herself learning how to be independent and most of all taking the time to discover herself more.

sometimes college girl feels like giving up on the problems the world (mostly UP) gives her.

and sometimes, life drives her crazy!

But in the end, she never has given up. Well maybe almost but still she never has. Now this college girl, Anna Recentes still is on my way on discovering my self, my potentials and everything else.

On the 17 years that I have lived, life is full of crap. But what’s important is how you digested these and make the most out of the crap you pulled out from your life:)

This is me again, Anna Recentes. Wish me luck on my “independency” if there would be such a word that exists. 

The people who have taught and influenced me to be the dancer that i am today. They’re my teacher, choreographer, friend and family all at the same time. They’re my inspirations and i love them. I dance to express not to impress, all for the greater glory of God. Amen!

Without these guys, its just not the same anymore. I know its not an excuse for quitting something that i love so passionately. Someday, maybe soon enough i’ll be dancing the way i used to with you guys even though its you i’m not actually dancing with.

I guess all that i’m trying to say is: I MISS YOU :’)

Inevitable Change

With the thousands of things i have on my mind, what better way to take it all off than to write it to a blog?

So here it goes, 4 years ago… i was the new kid in town. Born in the city of golden friendship CDO, but grew up in Manila. But before that about two more years back, there came a time when we had to move AGAIN but this was a major major move we were going back to cdo. I’ve been dreaming of staying in cdo when i was still a lil kid but things changed when i came up to my 5th grade and most of all in my 6th grade. It was so much fun back then with my friends my life then was perfectly imperfect. We made promises to each other with my friends to go on the same high school and college, we had it all planned but life had other plans for me. After contemplating on what would happen when the big news came up I guess I really couldn’t do anything about it anymore but to embrace the fact that I can’t be with my friends anymore and its time for a new environment for me. I tried to hide the pain of leaving my hometown I masked it with a smiling face pretending to be all exited and all that for my parents. They’ve done everything for us so i guessed that it would be fair to give them this time what they wanted. I’ve kept it all inside of me for so long now they never even knew how i truly felt.

Back to 4 years ago now, the new kid in town. I was enrolled at CCS corpus christi school. On the first day of classes, I was really nervous and i didn’t felt talking much either. So many new faces I’ve seen that day I couldnt get how i exactly felt that day but i was pretty sure that i was afraid of what might they see at me. I thought that the people there were snob and all that BUT hey! i was wrong. I was so damn wrong. My first friend ever there was Az Trais B. Jainga. How could i ever forget her? We’ve been close till this day! She was so friendly to me, introducing me with her other friends and showing me around. She really helped me overcome many things back then. After a few weeks i thought to myself “Hey this isn’t so bad at all” It was so good knowing that moving back to the place where i was born was a good thing for me and for my family. I never regretted moving back. I had a new environment, new cool friends and they we’re all so nice. I’m soooo glad that i’ve met all of them. During my first year till the last year of my high school life was EPIC. There were so many good memories that I treasure with them and i’ll always will.

I’d be lying if i said that i didnt miss my life back in manila. Cause I did i hated the feeling that whenever I look at their profiles of my friends back there via friendster and facebook, they looked so happy with all their new friends and they hung out more often than we used too. Most of them have forgotten about me probably but there are still a few like my bestfriends who still continued to communicate with me until it all faded away. There were times that I wished I could be with them and i wished that things were the same as they were before when it was just us and no one else could go in our group of friends. I get jealous sometimes knowing that my bestfriend had someone to replace me already. But i get all there would always be changes in life.

High school has ended and I have another thing that I’ve been involved with now. COLLEGE. Same thing again as they say history repeats itself. New place, new school the new kid in town. that was just 5 months ago. I’ve enrolled at the UP Cebu. This time, it was sooooo hard! By myself, all alone. I could only count on one person which is myself. I’ve been away from my dear beloved friends in cdo and worse I’ve been away from my loving family. I know its not just me. A lot of people are also going through in my situation and others have it worse but i can’t help it. I get that irritating feeling I had before that my closest friends have other friends in their lives now. I’m away from my ever caring family. Another feeling that bursts out of me. The feeling that someone would always care for you whenever you’re down and sick. That feeling of assurance that someone will take good care of you. I guess this is also a part of that “learning to be independent” thing. I HATE all of these. I’ve been mostly by myself for the past 5 months. Its not all that bad, i mean there were some awesome moments in college but really the most of it was just a “patikim” of what hell really is.

I admit that I’ve been crying for countless times in the past months I just can’t help the feeling of loneliness. I do try my best to work it out here. I give myself a chance to experience what it would be like to be independent. Going to school by myself, doing assignments studying for exams without much help from friends, buying my own groceries, doing my own laundry, taking care of myself when i’m sick, having no one to talk to when i really needed someone. Its just too much for me. I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life before this happened. I know I have to make it through this for my dream and most of all for my family that counts on me and supported me all the way and for all their sacrifices for me.

I’m still on the process of debating with myself if I should just go to Xavier University a school just in cdo where I could be with my friends and family or continue here in UP where I know is a school of known excellence.

If i go back, i know things could never be the same again but at least I have all the people I need around me. My family, friends and my boyfriend. If i stay i know that i’ll be better at my academics and i have a bigger chance to pursue my dreams, but the more chance for my friends to fade away, its a possibility because with how we are busy nowadays some friendships will be sure to fade away. I wouldn’t absolutely want that. So which is which?

** sorry for the wrong grammars. I’m not that good in english :)

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